Mike Ashley is the answer, having been provoked by his appalling behaviour…

An ideal time in the heart of the festive season to get a snapshot of views from Newcastle United fans on how they think things are going.

So we sent out various questions to a small number of regular/irregular contributors to The Mag.

Asking these Newcastle United fans some of the important questions of the day.

As well as some with a seasonal twist.

Here we have Simon Ritter giving his answers:

What would be a perfect Newcastle United Christmas present to unwrap?

The return of Sven Botman to the form he showed before his ACL woes.

Alongside Thiaw Main Man (shocking pun courtesy of my son) our Dutch master would be the rock on which Newcastle United fans could watch opposing teams crash to defeat. While nobody should doubt Big Dan Burn’s ability as a central defender, he cannot defy the ravages of time for ever. The future is Orange if Botman can get back to his best.

In 2025, what have been your five best Newcastle United moments?

Tough question, if only because for a pensioner one year merges into another.

Easy answer, because March 16 at Wembley was indeed “our time”, in the words of Big Nige. The opening goal was great, viewed from about 100 yards away. The second, as Tino Livramento exploited a certain Egyptian’s reluctance to track back, then sent a perfect cross to the far post with his weaker foot for Jacob Murphy to nod down, was phenomenal. Can that count as just one moment, even though the day was a joy from early morning till late at night?

The second was another combo, comprehensively dismissing the Woolwich home and away in the League Cup semi-final. Sweet.

The third was the final day of the 24-25 Premier League season, when Aston Villa managed to blow their chances of denying Newcastle a Champions League berth. When the Villa behaved as if the entire campaign had been decided by a couple of questionable decisions at Old Trafford, my joy increased exponentially. Schadenfreude can be incredibly enjoyable if the “victim” insists on jumping up and down like a spoilt child, literally screaming “it’s not fair” until they realise absolutely nobody is interested.

As we’re dipping into German, the trip to Leverkusen has to be up there. The town is no great shakes; my friend Terry said the Bayer industrial hub reminded him of Billingham aka ICI central. The locals and the Dutch Geordies were great, however. Friendly and welcoming. If life is a collection of memories, Leverkusen 2025 was almost exclusively happy ones.

Finally, an email from the NUFC ticket office. For the first time in about 16 attempts, it didn’t start “Unfortunately“. Instead, it said “Congratulations” and told me I would be watching the PSV match next month standing (and occasionally sitting) next to my 38-year-old daughter. As Mags Members, we had all but abandoned hope of striking it lucky in a ballot.

In 2025, what have been your five worst Newcastle United moments?

I try to copy King Edward’s approach of staying reasonably grounded whatever happens but there have been some proper gut-wrenching, heartbreaking moments. Thankfully, they fade far quicker than the highs.

The injury to Lewis Hall that denied him a Wembley final was a sickener.

The dismissal of Anthony Gordon against Brighton for a petulant challenge. We lost that fifth-round tie in the FA Cup after he was dismissed and he paid a high price. We would have been at home to Nottingham Forest in the quarter-final if we had beaten the Seagulls. I would have fancied us winning that.

Losing to the red Merseysiders at St James’ Park in August after battling back from two-down, only to concede in the 10th minute of stoppage time. Another red card for Gordon, another defeat.

Losing to the Woolwich in the sixth minute of stoppage time after leading for most of the match. The misery was compounded because of a cowardly challenge on Livramento by Saliba that put our man on a stretcher and out of action for months. Yet another reason to loath Arteta’s hypocritical cheats.

Watching at the Amex as Brighton ensured a sublime Nick Woltemade equaliser would count for nothing at the final whistle.

One of the first acts of new Newcastle United CEO David Hopkinson was to come out and announce that the club aren’t anywhere near deciding what will happen regarding a new stadium or expanded St James’ Park, never mind cracking on and getting it built. This despite the NUFC hierarchy having repeatedly in the past having indicated that an announcement was imminent. Your thoughts?

I’m gonna quote one of the few creative forces to emerge from mackemland here. The excellent Field Music said it all on their track Disappointed:

“This has been going on
“So long I can’t believe it.”

Having waited 56 years for Newcastle to win something substantial, I’m running out of time to see a fitting stadium rise by the Tyne. St James’ Park is great but how much greater, for example, is Dortmund’s home? Last time I checked, about 28,000 fans greater.

If you could guarantee five NUFC players to be fit for the rest of the season (including all those currently unavailable), who would you choose and in what order?

No 1: Nick Pope, appropriately.

No 2: Nick Woltemade.

No 3: Yoane Wissa

No 4: Tino Livramento

No 5: Sandro Tonali

If you could invite three current Newcastle United players to yours for a social gathering at Christmas, who would you invite and why?

Big Nick Woltemade, so he could teach me a few important German phrases and to pick up some hair-care tips, though I’m probably a bit long im the tooth for those.

Jacob Murphy, because I want to learn how he kept going when sent on loan by a lesser club to several even lesser clubs. He’s a great example of persistence paying dividends. If at first you don’t succeed, look to Smurph for inspiration. He also seems to have a top sense of humour.

Big Dan Burn, as I would love to improve my dance moves. Just as my swimming has been likened to controlled drowning, my disco skills have been likened to jogging on the spot. BDB’s arms-legs-head co-ordinated wibbly wobbly thingy slays me every time I watch it.

If you could also invite three other football people, who have no direct connection to Newcastle United, who would you invite and why?

Jeff Stelling. I want all the behind-the-scenes goss from Soccer Saturday, a show I was introduced to by my late schoolfriend Geoff Potter a long time ago. My first reaction was: a live football show on TV with no action, that won’t work! Geoff said it was brilliant and. of course, he was right. Without having to give them the time of day, I could get the low-down on Merson, Le Tiss, Thompson and the rest.

Mikel Arteta. An unexpected pick, perhaps, but I would enjoy telling the snidey Spaniard exactly why I detest him and his club. Obviously, Big Nick, Big Dan and Smurph would back me up (I hope).

Howard Webb, the PGMOL supremo. A not very good referee, he is now contributing almost nothing of value while jumping from one pedestal to another. One day he wants the VAR jonnies to intervene when a referee makes an obvious blunder; the next day he doesn’t. He could also explain the strange fact that not one Premier League-level referee is a declared supporter of Liverpool.

A knock on your door on Christmas Day, your place beautifully Xmas decorated, roaring fire, table laden with more food and drink than anybody could eat and drink. You open the door and freezing cold, snow bleaching down, which three cold and starving Newcastle United connected characters (past or present) would you still turn away?

I’m gonna take the Fifth on this one. Despite repeated rumours to the contrary, I am not a vindictive person. Most of the time, anyway . . .

Assuming you don’t think that position has been reached already… what would it take for you to think Newcastle United needed to consider replacing Eddie Howe?

This question comes up every year, sometimes more than once. I cannot imagine the day Eddie Howe should be replaced. Not in my lifetime. If he chooses to walk away, that’s different. He would leave with my never-ending thanks for all he has achieved, on and off the pitch.

If you were granted three New Year’s wishes to come true in 2026…

Let’s be reasonable here. Retain the League Cup. Win the FA Cup. Win the Champions League.

A poll on The Mag recently asked Newcastle United fans whether it would be success or failure, if this 2025/26 season ended with United mid-table in the Premier League, BUT having won the Carabao Cup again and reached the last 16 knockout stages of the Champions League. The vote ended up 60% of fans seeing that as success and 40% thinking failure. Your thoughts?

Winning any of the four competitions we entered this season would be a success. You could argue that “only” retaining the League Cup while finishing lower than last season in the Premier League would be a failure. I disagree with that view, especially because we can still win the FA Cup and the Champions League.

Obviously it takes a ‘little’ bit of imagination but if there was a scenario where on the last day of a Premier League season… a Sunderland victory (against whoever) would mean Newcastle United qualified for the Champions League instead of Europa League BUT also meant the Mackems won the Premier League. What would you want to happen?

This is clearly an “alternative universe” scenario, so I’ll play along. Let Sunderland win the Premier League, for two reasons. By definition, they would have finished higher than all the clubs who wanted to form a breakaway European Super League not so long ago. Their manager would have overcome Pep, Slot, Arteta, Amorim and whoever was in charge of Spurs and Chelsea that week. That’s an enjoyable thought. Second, we would stuff the mackems in the following season’s Champions League, on the way to becoming continental champions. A great way to stop their crowing; and their gulling.

In your lifetime, the five people associated with Newcastle United (anybody, on or off the pitch, inside or outside the club) who you would like to say thank you to and why?

Supermac, for that breathtaking goal against Leicester City in the mid-70s. Still grateful I was there to see it.

Paul Ferris, for some excellent books on football, life and everything in between.

Eddie Howe, for giving me and my mates the greatest day as Newcastle United supporters, as well as other fabulous memories.

Kevin Keegan, for rekindling my passion after a few years in which work, family and distance became excuses to lose a little interest.

Mike Ashley, without whom I would not have started writing for The Mag, having been provoked by his appalling behaviour. Also, the success of recent years would never have been as sweet if I had not experienced the despair of his dreadful regime.

Please use the comments section below to give your thoughts on how you would answer any of the questions above.