Sunderland 1 Newcastle 0 and I’m not sure why anybody would want to read this…

Sunderland 1 Newcastle 0 – Sunday 14 December 2025 2pm

Right, that’s it, Christmas is cancelled.

I’m not sure why people would want to read this.

Maybe the search for some kind of validation, or an in-built streak of masochism that comes with the territory of supporting Newcastle (or Sunderland for that matter).

Spoiler alert, I’m not able to offer any outlet other than confirming this was utterly bloody awful.

Back in March, I had a slightly awkward moment when, shortly after returning from the League Cup final, a family member asked me where it ranked in the best days of my life. With my wife and three kids in the room, I went for a noncommittal “top five” response that left everyone happy.

This time round the question is where this ranks in the very worst days I’ve experienced and there are not many happy rooms anywhere on Tyneside tonight.

There are a couple of reasons I’m not going to give a blow-by-blow rundown of the match.

Firstly, I don’t want to, as reliving this truly terrible spectacle is not something I’m particularly up for.

Secondly this was a match so low on quality and moments of note that I’m struggling to think of what to put.

I know for a fact that the three shots on target the teams mustered between them all came in the second half, so let’s just focus in on the very worst bits of the first.

For starters, Eddie Howe got his team selection wrong. Gordon was great in Leverkusen and showed signs of his old self, but turned in a woeful showing on the left. Elanga was arguably worse on the right, seemingly called up to frighten the mackems with pace but looking overwhelmed, by either the derby occasion, the pressure to settle in a Newcastle shirt, or both. He regularly misplaced passes or ran it out of play and any hint of getting balls into the box would have been fruitless given the deep lying anonymity of Woltemade, who was barely noticeable with one horrible exception.

United looked fairly solid at the back and perhaps the best player in dark blue was Dan Burn, marshalling the defence as ever. This game really started to get away from us when Burn had to be withdrawn before half-time after a collision with Mukiele saw him needing lengthy treatment. The mackem was booked for this, but it maybe should have been more, as he clearly left his knee in after a 50/50 tackle, with Burn seemingly sustaining rib damage.

If there’s a break there he’s going to have a spell out for sure, and a sighting of the lesser spotted Botman would be most welcome relatively soon.

Something that needs said here though, is that Sunderland were not good either. I’ve seen comments that they wanted it more or were the better team, but this was still a fairly toothless showing from the home side, with the freak occurrence that settled the game giving it a considerable gloss for them.

Best address that anyway. Having seen half-time out at 0-0 (which we’d all have taken I’m sure) the second half had barely begun when calamity struck. Mukiele sent a cross over that Nick Woltemade attacked in what can only be described as a moment of utter baffling madness. His header was neither safe away or near Ramsdale, giving the keeper no chance. The misery of seeing their stadium rise around you from the away end is the absolute worst by the way.

The rest of the game barely merits a paragraph.

Bruno was probably our only player to give a half decent account of himself and he had both of our two shots on target. Neither were too challenging for Roefs, who gathered comfortably.

They replied with one solitary effort of their own that Ramsdale dealt with likewise. A really terrible game, but the mackems can at least say they game managed having gone ahead, and could have found an extra gear had Big Nick never intervened on their behalf. This was Newcastle trying to salvage a derby game and it was pitiful beyond words.

I feared when these insipid performances were being posted at West Ham and Brentford that one such nightmare could occur here and this set of players duly delivered, eleven days before Christmas to stay five places behind the enemy. Cheers lads, son’s crying.

The fact there was no fight, guts or gumption in this sorry performance is hurtful on many levels. To lose the day is bad enough, but the ground lost as a result, and the overall fall off we’ve seen this season, suggests we will fare little better than mid-table in the long run. After the magnificent rise of the past four years, there is a growing feeling that this fine team may have run its race.

The big question is whether Eddie Howe is given rein to restructure the team, or if he himself has taken things as far as he can. I always said that the man who eventually delivered us a trophy would be untouchable when it finally came, and it feels inappropriate to be talking like this a mere nine months after the event, but this unmotivated, miserable stuff lacking in attacking innovation or tactical nous, and it’s not the first time this season.

We were at least spared the ignominy of a bigger losing margin as the standard injury time concession was avoided, but this was of little comfort, as the mackems mocked our celebratory picture in front of the stand last year with an effort of their own. It doesn’t really work at their own ground but when you turn in this kind of apology of a display you deserve this kind of grief and if you dish it out you need to take it back.

There are some crumbs. Losing the derby when it is a) away and b) the first of the season gives you the opportunity to put things right before too long. This should be in March (an FA Cup date notwithstanding, and a bit of an unlikely prospect with them at Everton and us against the Achilles heel that is Bournemouth) but there’s another crumb of comfort that this may not happen, as the game will clash with the league cup final we retain hope of contesting yet again. This will be tested against Fulham next time up and while a win wouldn’t be close to eradicating this memory, it would be a start.

Bruno spoke with magnificent full blooded regret after the game, offering apologies and calling out the weak passing, probing and blunt attack. Howe was far less impressive, basically failing to own the shortcomings and giving little hope that any corner may be turned any time soon.

This could well be a blip that is ridden in yet another fine season, or it could be a day of reckoning that is looked back on ruefully. For me personally it was a bit of a low. My seventh trip to the Stadium of Light brought a first defeat to go with four wins and two draws. The fact that the high points total saw all of my mates excluded, made for a fairly lonely afternoon, despite bouncing around between the usual familiar faces when I got there.

Having decided to still go on my Jack Jones, I chose to use the club’s official buses and it was a skullcrushingly long and unhappy trip back. About 40 minutes sat stationary in the stadium car park, followed by a miserable trek up the A1. To whoever repeatedly pressed the bus stop bell on the way back, I actually feel more ill-will towards you than anyone associated with Sunderland today, you deserve locked in a room and forced to watch this game on repeat for about five weeks.

As a result it felt like about 3am when I finally got back to Newcastle and the mood was very much derby defeat. A mixture of quiet, miserable reflection and moments of arguments and scraps between friends and strangers alike, made for a thoroughly awful end to a horrible day. The festive bake I got was lukewarm at best and even though it felt like clubbing hours, I would still have got home for Last of the Summer Wine, if it was still on or if I’d ever watched it.

I am now away to do something else and not think about football at all until Wednesday and I’d advise you to do likewise. Awful, miserable horrible, if you wanted these back in the top flight for the derbies please have a look at yourself and remember this feeling.

Sunderland 1 Newcastle 0 – Sunday 14 December 2025 2pm

Match Stats

Goals:

Newcastle United:

Sunderland:

Woltemade OG 46

Possession was Newcastle 54% Sunderland 46%

Total shots were Newcastle 6 Sunderland 5

Shots on target were Newcastle 2 Sunderland 1

Corners were Newcastle 6 Sunderland 3

Touches in the opposition box Newcastle 14 Sunderland 14

Newcastle team v Sunderland:

Ramsdale, Livramento, Thiaw, Burn (Schar 42), Hall, Tonali (Willock 59), Miley, Bruno, Gordon (Barnes 59), Woltemade (Wissa 75), Elanga (Jacob Murphy 59)

Unused subs:

Ruddy, Joelinton, Alex Murphy, Ramsey

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