I was actually screaming for them to press for a fourth, as this would have taken us…

The Champions League is bonkers isn’t it?

In the lead up to this I’m sure we’ll all have sat and tried to make sense of that meandering tapestry of a table, trying to figure out the series of possibilities ahead of our final home game.

There were actually four outcomes on the cards.

Come below 24th and you’re out, a very poor performance for a Premier League side.

Positions 9 to 24 are the play-off zone, but coming in the upper half of that section gets you a home second leg against a lower placed opponent, so something to be said for securing a finish above 16th.

The golden goose remains that top 8 finish, which would see a home second leg in the last 16 against a play off side that might be beatable. It’s all very simple and straightforward.

In toon tonight then were PSV. On the face of it, this was a very winnable game when the draw was made, although Eindhoven are the reigning Dutch champions. As the season has progressed though, this fixture looked more and more ominous as PSV dominated the Eredivisie again, rocked up at Anfield and battered Liverpool and arrived on Tyneside unbeaten away from home in almost a year.

This was worrying, as the last thing we needed was to go to Paris needing something to qualify, so this game would play a huge part in settling our fate. Happily, these were worries that proved unfounded.

United, you see, are still a good team when given a game of football. Wolverhampton refused to do this, as did the majority of opponents we’ve struggled against, wrecking the match with a ten man defence and a bunch of long throw-ins. PSV came looking for the win that would take them above us and proceeded to make a right mess of things.

Yoane Wissa made a fuss to get himself to Newcastle for nights like this and duly rose to the occasion with his best performance in black and white to date. Like his previous two goals, the opener came within the first ten minutes, and it was a magnificent throwback to the high press at its best. First, Wissa got up in the keeper’s face and forced him to hurry a kick, which saw Bruno (also snapping at heels) win possession and play in Joelinton. Joe did really well to draw the defence in before squaring to Wissa to knock it in. Wild celebrations that were almost tempered by a pointless check, but the German ref was having none of your ridiculous offside calls, bless him.

The high press was again in full effect on the half hour, as Gordon and Wissa bore down on PSV trying to play out from the back. Gasiorowski took a horrendous heavy touch under pressure and Wissa nipped in to nick it and square to Gordon for an open goal tap in. Two nil always feels a bit better.

The moment came next that threatens to put a cloudy lining around an excellent night, as Bruno needed lengthy treatment after a challenge, hobbling awkwardly when he returned to the pitch. This went on for a few minutes before he signalled to come off, Miley replacing him in the dying minutes of the half. I have everything crossed this was an on-the-night knock, as Bruno has been the stand out star of this season and the thought of tackling the upcoming ominous fixture run without him is a little bit terrifying.

You always feel a bit better at 3-0 and it was more sloppiness from PSV that allowed United to secure that cushion. This time a misdirected defensive header gave Barnes the chance to drive into the box and he produced a terrific finish having shrugged off the attentions of a pair of defenders. That’ll do.

The closing stages were notable for an obvious show of support for Anthony Elanga, who replaced Gordon and put in a very decent shift as the Gallowgate corner repeatedly started chants of his name. His cross almost provided a fourth for Woltemade, who’s header was close enough for the keeper to snatch it.

I was actually screaming for them to press for a fourth, as this would have taken us above PSG on goal difference and meant a draw next week would see us above them at least. As it stands, we now sit in a very healthy 7th place, with Paris in 6th. I’m gonna have a go at the machinations here, so bear with.

United can finish as high as third with a win next week, but as one of 8 teams on 13 points, it will most likely require a victory to stay in the top 8. Realistically, our lowest possible finish is 15th, so a seeded play off spot is in the bag. Four teams are out altogether, but it’s an utter fools errand to try and predict who we might get in that play off.

The next step has to be to carry this kind of performance over to Villa, who will not be helped by their Thursday trip to Fenerbahce. It’s nice to reflect on the fact that SJP will witness its first ever Champions League knock out game, but this relentless season just keeps on coming, and I’m away to see if I can cram in a few hours kip before my sixth trip of the month here on Sunday.

A great night, let’s do it again.

Newcastle 3 PSV 0 – Wednesday 21 January 2026 8pm

Match Stats

Goals:

Newcastle United:

Wissa 8, Gordon 30, Barnes 65

PSV:

Possession was Newcastle 54% PSV 46%

Total shots were Newcastle 11 PSV 6

Shots on target were Newcastle 4 PSV 1

Corners were Newcastle 3 PSV 1

Touches in the opposition box Newcastle 29 PSV 11

Newcastle team v PSV:

Pope, Tripper (Willock 87), Thiaw, Botman, Hall, Tonali, Joelinton (Ramsey 72), Bruno (Miley 48), Barnes, Gordon (Elanga 72), Wissa (Woltemade 72)

Unused subs:

Thompson, Ramsdale, Alex Murphy, Neave, Shahar

You can follow the author on BlueSky @bigjimwinsalot.bsky.social